The Ego
Is it any wonder that we are troubled by it? Even the word “ego” has two opposing meanings which are used interchangeably and confused constantly. It is a heavily conflicted word which has put us in a heavily conflicted predicament.
The primary meaning of the term in popular usage refers to a composite of dysfunctional attitudes and behaviors within the psyche which are ruthlessly self-serving and competitive. Never satisfied or at rest, the ego arises as a compensation for shame and interferes with everything from spiritual growth to healthy relationships. It may sabotage our success or make us annoying, if not abusive, to other people. It’s a problem to be gotten over, and some teachings suggest we never really can. We can only keep it at bay, perhaps through insight or practice, until enlightenment frees us from this slavery to our unsavoriness.
In contrast, the other, older meaning of the word Ego, which I’ll distinguish from ego by capitalizing it, comes out of the psychoanalytic tradition and refers to a psychological drive which mediates between the true self and the outer world. It is a necessary, healthy and useful source of boundaries and “executive function” within our psychological makeup. Do you see the problem with confusing the two meanings, as we so often do now? Emphasis on the more derogatory and common meaning without clarification of its crucial distinction from the older meaning sets us up for dis-empowered confusion, at best, or thorough self-animosity, taken to an extreme.
Furthermore, with the two meanings merged and confused, well-meaning attempts at self-improvement or personal growth can, paradoxically, lock us into cycles of highly dysfunctional “egoism”, commonly called “narcissism”. Mistaking Ego for ego, can put us increasingly at odds with our own actual sense of self-hood, heightening shame, which then compels us to compensate by means of some increased ego strategy. To complicate matters further, the phrase “healthy narcissism” is often used to refer to the older meaning of Ego, as though to suggest the universality of narcissism among people. This implies that the more nefarious expressions of pathological narcissism are mere matters of degree, into which anyone may slide at any time, a cynical and unsettling view of the human psyche!
Sanity can be restored to this muddle. The older neutral meaning of Ego, as mediator on behalf of the authentic self, offers the way out of the entanglements of the common negative meaning of ego, as dysfunctional self-preoccupation. Whereas ego is a coping mechanism for shame, a disconnection from or negation of the true sense of self-hood, a healthy psychological Ego keeps us connected with that very sense of self-hood and affirms it, making us shame-resilient in the process. A strong, conscious, healthy Ego is the antidote for ego.
Furthermore, I propose that the Ego, while personal and individual, does not consist of fixed attributes like hair color or blood type, but is, rather, a malleable, refinable set of skills and characteristics, which arises from a basic, universal aptitude for self-awareness. It is possible to strengthen and hone this Ego into a fine work of art or exquisite tool through which we may derive great personal fulfillment or offer valuable service. This is no trivial undertaking. Cultivating a developed, conscious relationship with our individuality that also accounts for the world in which we participate takes a high degree of personal maturity, discipline and insight. Throughout history, humans have turned to myths, fairy tales, and archetypal figures, and the elders who knew about them, for assistance with successful Ego development. I’ll write more on this process of Ego development soon, but the first step must be to disengage from shame by returning to accord with our true, natural and authentic self-hood.